MorrisonGrants

With April 15 having come and gone, it’s time to take a moment and reflect on where our tax dollars are being spent.  I’m sure you gazed lovingly at your Form 1040 and sealed that envelope with a kiss before placing it in the capable hand of the USPS; now I hope you find comfort in the following grant programs:

• $450,000 for Cave Bat White-nose Syndrome Grants
• $325,000 for Great Divide Sand Tailings Removal in Montana
• $20,000 for Chiricahua Leopard Frog Conservation at Buenos Aires NWR
• $12,309 for Light Footed Clapper Rail Monitoring, Seal Beach, CA
• $72,750 for Management of Devils Hole Pupfish

From the Election Assistance Commission (yeah, I didn’t know such an agency existed either) comes the Help American Vote Mock Election Program.  I know what you’re probably thinking “Hey, don’t we have enough of those already?”  Perhaps, but what’s an extra $300,000 amongst friends?

This one is just too easy: Environmental Regulatory Enhancement. I can hear most of you now…“Regulatory Enhancement!? That’s the LAST thing we need!”

And for fans of last year’s stimulus bill, we have the Go For Broke National Education Center, where presumably we will teach future generations how to “go for broke.”  I predict that even with meager funding of $1,500,000, this is one program that will be overwhelmingly successful!

Reading these next couple grants made me think of some fiscal conservatives I know:  First, there is the Building Effective Civic Engagement grant and second, the Local Governance and Decentralization Program.  My guess they would cheer on both ideas until they saw the price tag; $13,280,000 and $9,000,000 respectively.

Well, that about wraps it up for this installment of “Weird Grants,” but before I go, I want to leave you with two very important points of information.  The deadline to make your Boll Weevil Director Nominations has passed (sorry, it was April 12^th) and second is that the Department of Fish and Wildlife Services intends to loan rotary screw traps to the Merced Irrigation District for use on the Merced River to monitor juvenile salmonids.  Hey, I think I just found a new name for my band: “Juvenile Salmonids!”