MorrisonGrants

Extra! Extra! Read all about it; more news from the land of the strange and bizarre!  For those of you waiting anxiously for more news on Wyoming’s pygmy rabbits . . . your wait is over, my friends.  This time, there is $75,000 to "survey"  the little guys.  Now, this must be a really big problem because this funding comes on the heels of last year’s grant to "research" the rabbits.  The synopsis begins “Pygmy rabbits are not well understood, especially in Wyoming. While several surveys are conducted each year, there are still many unknown . . .”  Hmmm, many surveys and they are still not well known.  I don’t know about you, but I’m beginning to think that Wyoming’s “pygmy rabbits” may actually be the fabled "jackalope".  (By the way, at that price for a jackalope, I think you should buy it to display proudly in your home or office.)

Staying with rodent theme for the moment, you may wish to apply for the Evaluation of a systemic flea control insecticide in prairie dogs.  There is $50,000 with your name on it if you can demonstrate that you can successfully rid our prairie dog friends of fleas.     

While somewhat less lucrative (only $15,000), I want you also to know about the recent announcement regarding the National Sleep Apnea and Trucking Conference grant.  Now, I’m all for making sure that truckers don’t fall asleep at the wheel, but I’m having a tough time seeing how a conference on the subject won’t make attendees, well . . . sleepy.

Next, we have the Wild Horse and Burro Short Term Holding and Educational Facility.  The grant is for $400,000, so it’s nothing to sneeze at.  My only question: Is the short-term education of wild horses and burros really worth $400,000?  I have my doubts.

Finally, from the department of “our grant titles are way too long and confusing” comes the Support for a National Monitoring and Evaluation System, Strategic Information Coordination, Data Synthesis, and Data Use to Strengthen the Multi-Sector HIV/AIDS Response in the United Republic of Tanzania Under PEPFAR.  Seriously?!  That is your title?  I read that title five times and just now typed it, and I still have no idea what that says.  How about “AIDS assistance for Tanzania?” Just please don’t make the program synopsis the title of the actual grant.  At least we can make a game out if it.  See how many of your co-workers or family members can say the entire title without taking a breath, then, in the spirit of the Olympics, award medals to the winners.