MorrisonGrants

We often get asked, “What’s the craziest grant you’ve ever seen?”  Well that’s a fine question and could easily segue into a debate on the virtues of using tax-payer money for “pork” projects.  Of course, if you are the recipient of such funds, there’s no such thing as “pork;” those other guys are just bitter they didn’t get their share.  No, this posting will not explore that debate; I fear I already have said too much on the subject.  Instead, I’ll just share some of the more weird and bizarre grants that we’ve come across. 

When you begin to compile a few thousand grants as we’ve done in our database, you see some pretty strange things.  Take for example the recent grant from the fine folks at the Department of Fish and Wildlife Services and their funding opportunity for “Grizzly Bear assimilated diets using stable isotope analysis.”   In the grant’s summary--and I’m paraphrasing here--the bears’ diet will be analyzed to see how “assimilated” it is.  If you were thinking of applying, the deadline has passed and there was only going to be one award for $125,000 anyway.  My guess is the recipient was already selected before the grant was announced; see Brent’s post on why this might be.

Then there’s the grant for “Pygmy Rabbit Research in Montana.”  You read that right; apparently the “Big Sky Country” needs your help with their pygmy rabbits.    The submission deadline has passed, but don’t despair.  The synopsis says that this is an “on-going study” so check back next year.

Speaking of states with plenty of wide open spaces, Wyoming, “The Cowboy State,” has $100,000 for the “Wyoming Toad Recovery Program”--that is as long as your name is the “University of Wyoming.”  Like the grizzly bears above, this grant is from our friends at the FWS; however, unlike that grant, the application process is pretty simple: “Are you the University of Wyoming?” “Yes.” “OK, here is a check for $100,000. Now go save the toads.”

All of these are fine examples of the strange and bizarre, but none come even close to the granddaddy of weird grants – “Molecular sexing of Red Knots and Marbled Godwits.”  When I first read that, I’ll be honest, I thought some clever hacker was having some fun with grants.gov.  Not so; this grant is for real.  Now read the title again only this time do it real slow and see if you have figured out what the grant is really about; can’t do it, can you?  According to Wikipedia, the source of all accuracy, the Red Knot is a bird that is part of the sandpiper family.  Like the Red Knot, the Marbled Godwit is also a shorebird.  As for “sexing” I suggest you use caution while Googling for that.  At any rate, if this sounds like the kind of thing you’d like to do, there is $5,700 with your name on it from -- once again you guessed it – The Department of Fish and Wildlife Services.